Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.

— Anne Lamott

If this quote makes your shoulders drop, even just a little, this post is for you.

If this title resonates with you, here’s your sign: it’s okay to slow down. Like, really slow down.

Some days you move mountains.

Some days you move a single spoon from the sink to the dishwasher.

Both count.

But then there are days where you check every box…

• You send in your internship paperwork.
• You get paid.
• You publish a TikTok that feels true.
• You get advanced to the next round of a dream role.

And yet, instead of feeling joy, you feel… hollow. That’s the part I did not expect and no one really talks about.

Happy, but hesitant.

Exhausted, but wired.

Trust me when I say it’s an odd feeling to experience. Very unsatisfying, at least for those of us with perfectionist traits.

We live in a world that is exhausted by “hustle culture”, fed from the constant drip drip drip of dopamine through ADHD-span news and rapid-blink info-processor content.

What happens in those moments of success, when—all of a sudden— feels more hollow than that heady feeling of joy?

Was any of the struggle this past month worth it?

It’s confusing. You land the job. Your inbox lights up with good news. Even your creative content is gaining traction, because I’ve been crafting my work from a place of truth. And people pick up on that stuff, apparently.

But beneath the excitement, there is a subtle _hum of exhaustion, heavy from carrying the weight of your inner doubts and insecurities.

In that pitch-black cesspool, there is a very real desire to be left alone for a while.

This feeling of emptiness after achievement isn’t a flaw: it’s your nervous system (hello!) asking for what it needs. 🌳 A grounded solution.

When you’ve been running on adrenaline and hope for months, even good news feels overwhelming.

As if, I haven’t been deserving of the praise.

(Hello Darkness, my old friend:

_{Imposter Syndrome}: “the subjective experience of perceived self-doubt in one’s abilities and accomplishments compared with others, despite evidence to suggest the contrary”)

Your mind is telling me: “Great, now can we please rest and process all of this?”

So let me tell you what I wish someone had told me:

You can absolutely let yourself rest tonight — and you should.

Rest is not about losing progress.

Rest is how you create new paths in clarity, creativity, and self-trust.

5 Things I Learned After Dozens of Rejections:

1. Record Yourself Speaking Even When It’s Cringe AF

The best prep isn’t only Googling “top 10 interview questions for position” —

It’s recording yourself answering them.

Not for anyone else. Just to refine my articulation, p a c i n g, and tone.

The more familiar you become with the sound of your voice, the more confident you’ll sound in a room.

The more you get used to hearing yourself, the less afraid you become of being heard.

I started filming myself answering common questions using Google Interview Warmup and the TalkBook app, which transcribes your voiced-out thoughts into a transcript and AI auto-cuts filler space out.

As a reader and visual learner, I can process information better if I can read the words previously floating in my head.

Practicing for interviews out loud helps more than reading a script in your head ever will. So, practice on video. Watch it back.

It may be awkward, but it teaches you everything: where you ramble, where you shine, and where you need to pause and take a breath.

🌙 TLDR: Speaking out loud helps more than silent prep ever will.

2. Rejection is Redirection (And It’s Not Just a Cute Quote)

Every rejection email left my ego bruised — but in return, my comeback applications, resumes, and portfolio got sharper.

Each time I didn’t get the job, I tweaked minute details, restructured my answers, and tried to make up for prior mistakes.

It wasn’t punishment; it was more like pattern recognition.

Each flub taught me to articulate my story better, define my boundaries, and ask honestly: What would I genuinely enjoy learning in this role?

I finally landed roles that fit because I stopped trying to force ones that didn’t. After months of feeling less-than-ordinary, the right company (in terms of social health and mutual values) will find you.

The challenge is trusting that a higher design is unfolding, even through months of silence. The right role will finally seek you out on its own.

🌙 TLDR: Each “no” helps you shape a sharper, truer version of your “yes.”

3. Your Nervous System Isn’t Built to Be “On” 24/7

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of water… is by no means a waste of time.” — John Lubbock

Neuroscience tells us that the brain needs downtime for consolidation. To remember what went on during our days and can prepare for the night. To prepare your health for tomorrow.

So when you rest, your brain is literally processing, rewiring, and evaluating everything you’ve been learning.

That’s why after a walk, a shower, or even a nap, your ideas often click. Or, at least, make more sense than before.

This is called the default mode network, and it activates when you’re not focused on external tasks: It’s your brain’s version of background magic.

🌙 TLDR: Rest helps you remember, condense notes, and solve puzzlers better. 👍🏼

4. Emotional Resilience > Any Hard Skill

There will be jobs that ghost you. Interviewers who fumble and make you feel less-than. Friends who don’t congratulate you until it’s convenient for them. You’ll be tempted to let that dim your shine.

Don’t. Please refrain from self-dulling the spark.

Your ability to bounce back —quietly and intentionally— is more powerful than any line on your CV.

🌙 TLDR: Bounce back without the drama. That’s your edge.

What This Looks Like in Practice:

Last month, I had an interview that went so badly I wanted to delete my LinkedIn and become a hermit. No, seriously.

The interviewer kept interrupting me, seemed distracted, and made me feel like my experience wasn’t valid. Old me would have spiraled for weeks, replaying every awkward moment.

Instead, I gave myself 24 hours to feel frustrated, then wrote down what I learned:

• I need to practice handling interruptions, and
• Companies that don’t create space for candidates to shine aren’t places I want to work anyway.

Let yourself recover emotionally between rounds of applications.

Burnout doesn’t come from working too hard — it comes from hoping too hard, then getting hit with silence.

We don’t need that voodoo in the house so please, honor your energy and your body’s telltale signs of stress. That crick in your neck? It’s time to step away from the desk, Stargirl.

5. Micro-Moments Matter More Than Milestones

Getting the job, the offer, the email? That’s one spark. But the real deal?

It’s what you do between those moments:

• The candle you light while you decompress.
• The walk you take after a tough day.
• The playlist you put on while editing your vlog.

That’s where the fire is stoked.

The best ideas come when your nervous system feels safe and grounded.

After a long day of effort and productivity, it’s time for some unplugged rest. Put that phone down for 15 minutes and reward yourself with a walk.

You are reinforcing the very foundation that will carry you through the next win.

Your brain. Your body. Your health.

Your spirit.

Rest will help your mind (and soul) recover from any cooped-up, stale office room air.

🌙 TLDR: How you celebrate your wins defines your path.

Bonus: Stack Your Tools

I used everything from AI to Notion templates to keep track of applications. Things to consider:

• How does this role align with my goals one year from now?
• Company website links, research notes, LinkedIn referrals
• Mock interviews with a sibling or close friend is another helpful tool.

Prepping with structure takes away the panic and retains room for clarity.

What “Finally Winning” Actually Taught Me

When I finally landed the role that felt right, the victory wasn’t only about the job.

It was a nuanced, deep knowing that I had changed from the girl at the beginning who had no resume at all, no prospects.

It was knowing that I could trust myself to complete the whole process.

This win was internal. The offers and rejections stopped defining me when I started defining what felt aligned. In my case, cozy business, dreaming, and scientifical learning.

The months of rejection had taught me to: advocate for my worth, prepare better questions, speak with confidence, and compare dissonance in company culture early.

The real win was realizing that I no longer needed external validation to know I was on the right path.

I had built internal resilience that would serve me far beyond any single opportunity.

If You’re Reading This, Here’s Your Permission Slip:

“You are not behind. You are exactly where you need to be to receive what is meant for you next.” — Stargirl Cozy

🌙 Light a candle.

🎧 Put on your comfort playlist.

📖 Flip through your book or lie still.

💻 Close the tabs. Just for tonight.

You’re racing against no one else but yourself.

You could follow no one else’s path — but after you realize that the only person you’re so vehemently competing against is yourself. Or more so, the high expectations you’ve built since young.

The person I have been running from was a version built on ageist expectations. Let that version rest.

A reminder from me to you: You deserved a congratulations the moment you started fighting for yourself.

Not when the offer came. Not just when the bank or popularity rolls in.

You’re learning how to let yourself soften if you want to, and harden again if you need to.

Closing Mantra Section

You are not ungrateful.

You are not dramatic.

You are not selfish.

🌙 You’re just learning how to protect your softness, own your ambition, and operate from a place of truth.

You are just learning how to live the most authentically and what it feels like to finally be seen.

You’ve earned rest. Your ambition will still be there in the morning, tomorrow.

And whatever the puzzler it is, you will meet it with fresher eyes, deeper resilience, and a sharper purpose.

Tomorrow, we go again. But tonight, fall asleep with lighter shoulders and sweet dreams.

— Annie

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Neuroscience Learnings 🧠:

• Cognitive consolidation happens during rest.
  • This means that after taking in a lot of new information or effort, your brain needs downtime to properly store and process it.
• Mental fatigue impairs decision-making.
  • One study showed that people under cognitive strain are more likely to make riskier decisions or default to autopilot behaviors.
• Rest boosts creativity. The default mode network (DMN), which lights up when your brain is at rest, is linked to ideation and deep thinking.
  • Basically: doing nothing helps you think better.

Resources (in order of appearance)

• Lamott, Anne. Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life. Anchor Books, 1994.
  • Quote about unplugging to reset, sharing wisdom on rest and recovery

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• Lubbock, John. The Use of Life. Macmillan and Co., 1894.
  • Quote about rest not being idleness; supports argument that downtime is productive.

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• Mednick, Sara C., et al. “The restorative effect of naps on perceptual deterioration.” Nature Neuroscience, vol. 5, no. 7, 2002, pp. 677–681. https://doi.org/10.1038/nn864
  • How rest improves cognitive performance and memory consolidation.

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• Raichle, Marcus E., et al. “A default mode of brain function.” Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, vol. 98, no. 2, 2001, pp. 676–682. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.98.2.676
  • Study on the default mode network; explains why ideas click during walks and showers.

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• Goldstein, Andrea N., and Walker, Matthew P. “The role of sleep in emotional brain function.” Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, vol. 10, 2014, pp. 679–708. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-clinpsy-032813-153716
  • Adequate rest links to emotional resilience and better decision-making under stress.

June 25, 2025 @ 10:38 PM

This morning marks the seventh year since my dad passed. What a thing to say. It’s a strange feeling at this point—a poignant but dull sensation behind the eyes, a burning in the chest. The man who gave me everything is no longer here, hasn’t been here for a period of time.

I remembered how my dad used to sing throughout the house on good days—infusing heart into the home. He never rushed it.

Seven years later, that memory still feels sacred.

June 25, 2018: a date that divides my life into before and after.
There is a definitive part of me that was left behind in the early break of dawn.
So much left to ask about, but never to receive the chance.

Maybe this is my path after all. These are the cards dealt.

The sharpness of that loss has softened into something I can carry, but it’s never disappeared.
I continue to live in his music and his light.
It lives in small moments: clouds streaming across the sky, quiet acts of care, the way I show up in the world when it spins too fast.

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Learning to Carry What Stays

I’m not the same person I was at 18. Untested by real loss, I didn’t know how to carry grief—or trust that I could make it past 25. But alas, here I am.

Healing can never be linear. What comes up must come down. The downward spiral then flips up into joy.

Contemporary research shows that human cells completely replace themselves every seven years—meaning I am literally a different person than I was when my father passed.
Every cell in my body has been renewed, rebuilt, transformed.

In an ambitious sense: forged in a new fire. The passions I held dear in the past no longer align with me.

Cell turnover peaks in early development and slows with age. Stem cell activity declines.

But somehow, love remains. The lessons persist.

The way he raised me still lives in tandem to an entirely new version of me.
I do have a better understanding of my purpose… or at least, I’m learning.

The loss taught me that transformation doesn’t require drama or declarations.
Sometimes the most profound changes happen in whispers, in the way you grow more aware with age.

Frontal lobe development and whatnot.

You can choose gentleness over force in how you hold space for both grief and wonder.

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Building Something From the Softness

I started Stargirl Cozy because I needed a place to land:
Somewhere soft, safe, and full of reminders that growth does not have to be drastic to be powerful.

Blogging is the perfect place for introverts, is it not? 🤚🏼

After being told I was “too soft,” I wanted to create a corner of the internet where grief, wonder, science, and productivity could align: no judgment, just intention.

This blog is for the quiet dreamers.
The soft fighters.
The divine believers who’ve been told they’re “too much” or “not enough.”
It’s where science meets softness: where we explore the research behind resilience while honoring what makes us human.

Here, introversion isn’t something to fix.
And feeling deeply isn’t a weakness to overcome.

In building this space, I’ve discovered something unexpected:
This is how I keep him with me.

Not in the emptiness of missing him, but in the purpose of creating something he would’ve been proud of.
Not in the silence of grief, but in the stories I now choose to share.
In how I try to heal the world—and maybe myself along the way.

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The Promise of Seven

So here’s my commitment this seventh summer:

I will keep going. Even though it’s easier to go silent.
I’ve learned it’s okay to take breaks, as long as I leave a breadcrumb of effort each day.

I will keep creating content that bridges evidence-based wellness and intuitive living.

I will keep showing up with both softness and structure: for myself, and for the community growing here within the next five years (2030).

Word by word, post by post, I’m building this space into something that helps people feel a little more at home in themselves.

Because that’s what he gave me:
A sense of belonging in my own skin.
Permission to move through the world with intention rather than urgency.

He taught me how to drive.
He let me fly from the nest at 18.
We shared a hyper-independent ambition that never needed to be explained.

Seven years ago, I couldn’t have imagined that losing him would eventually lead to finding my voice.

That grief would become not just something I carry, but something that propels me forward.

A lot of objects still remind me of him: sudoku pamphlets, a whisper to slow down on turns, and a classical guitar. But now, instead of just missing how he viewed his life, I hold his spirit next to mine.

Maybe that’s the lesson:

That love persists not in grand gestures,
but in the quiet, patient way we continue tending to our dream gardens.

Thank you for being part of this journey. Here’s to seven more summers of growth, gentleness, and showing up exactly as we are. Cheers!

Try This Mantra with Me

I am not broken, I am rebuilding.
I move with intention now, no longer urgency.

Every part of me has changed, and I honor who I’ve become.

I don’t need to earn love, softness, or rest.
I was born deserving of all three.

I release the need to be perfect.
I am not behind—I am on my path.

I carry grief, but I also carry vision.
My story is still unfolding—and it’s mine to write.

I am not lost.
I am becoming.
And that is more than enough.

“Don’t fight your biology. The best productivity hack is knowing when you function best—and designing your life around it.”
— Laura Vanderkam, author of 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think

Your Productivity isn’t Broken: It’s Just Mistimed.

If you’ve ever felt guilty for being wide awake at 11PM and somehow the most productive while struggling to think clearly at 9AM, science has good news: you’re not broken, there’s nothing wrong with you. Your energy patterns and circadian rhythms aren’t a laziness flaw, they’re part of your biological ecosystem. Your genetic programming, if you will.

Recent breakthroughs in chronobiology (the study of biological clocks) reveal that your natural preference for morning or evening activity is largely determined by genetics, not discipline. Your preferred sleep-wake cycle is hardwired into your DNA. Understanding and working with your chronotype can increase productivity up to 30% while reducing stress hormones like cortisol.

The Genetics of Timing

Your internal clock isn’t just a preference—it’s written in your DNA. Large-scale genomic studies have identified over 350 genetic variants that influence whether you’re naturally a morning person or night owl.

The most significant research, published in Nature Communications and analyzing nearly 700,000 participants, revealed specific genes that control circadian rhythms. Key players include:

• CLOCK and BMAL1: Master regulators of your 24-hour cycle
• PER2 and PER3: Proteins that help maintain circadian timing
• CRY1 and CRY2: Light-sensitive genes that respond to environmental cues

These genetic factors explain why some people naturally feel alert at 6 AM while others don’t hit their stride until evening. Neither pattern is superior—they’re different biological designs optimized for different times of day.

This means your tendency to come alive in the evening hours isn’t something you chose—it’s how your body was designed to function at a molecular level.

The Three Chronotypes Explained

Research identifies three main chronotypes, each with distinct characteristics:

Morning Larks (25% of population)

• Peak alertness: 6 AM – 12 PM
• Natural bedtime: 9-10 PM
• Optimal for: Analytical tasks, decision-making, complex problem-solving

Night Owls (25% of population)

• Peak alertness: 6 PM – 12 AM
• Natural bedtime: 11 PM – 1 AM
• Optimal for: Creative work, innovative thinking, sustained focus

Intermediates (50% of population)

Flexible performance across various tasks

Two peak periods: 9-11 AM and 4-6 PM

Natural bedtime: 10-11 PM

Everyone’s Inner Clock Responds to Their Environment

While genetics provide the foundation, several factors can shift your natural rhythm:

1. Natural light exposure helps regulate your body clock, which is why camping for just a few days can temporarily shift anyone’s sleep schedule. Light exposure is the strongest environmental cue. Blue light suppresses melatonin production, while natural sunlight helps synchronize your internal clock. Even a few days of camping can temporarily shift sleep patterns by reducing artificial light exposure.

2. Exercise timing affects your energy patterns—an early morning workout might leave you depleted by evening.

3. The weather outside can subtly shift your preferences, with most people becoming slightly more morning-oriented during sunny summer months (when the sun rises earlier). Seasonal changes affect everyone. Most people become slightly more morning-oriented during summer months when sunrise occurs earlier, demonstrating how environmental light patterns influence our internal clocks.

• Age naturally changes your rhythm—teenagers and young adults typically shift toward evening preference before gradually returning to earlier hours with age. Youth between the ages of 20-25 need adequately 8 hours of sleep for brain growth. Age significantly impacts chronotype. Teenagers and young adults naturally shift toward evening preference due to hormonal changes, with the peak occurring around age 20. This gradually reverses with age, explaining why older adults tend to be morning people.

The Performance Consequences of Chronotype Misalignment

Working against your chronotype carries real costs. Research shows:

• Cognitive performance drops 26% when working during non-optimal hours
• Reaction times slow significantly during off-peak periods
• Memory consolidation improves when learning occurs during peak hours
• Stress hormones increase when forced into misaligned schedules

One study of over 6,000 office workers found that those whose work schedules matched their chronotypes reported higher job satisfaction, better performance reviews, and lower turnover rates.

Chronotype-specific productivity strategies

Research published in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that when employees’ work schedules aligned with their chronotypes, both job satisfaction and performance improved. Here’s how to apply this science to your daily life:

For Morning Larks:

• Early advantage Peak hours (6 AM – 12 PM): Tackle your most challenging analytical work before 11 AM when your prefrontal cortex is most active.
  • Schedule analytical work, important meetings, and complex decision-making. Your prefrontal cortex is most active during these hours.
• Afternoon planning (12 PM – 6 PM): Switch to collaborative and administrative tasks after lunch when research shows natural energy dips occur.
  • Shift to collaborative tasks, routine work, and administrative duties as natural energy declines.
• Evening wind-down: Create a digital sunset 2-3 hours before bed to support your natural melatonin production. Blue light exposure during evening hours significantly disrupts morning chronotypes’ sleep quality.

For Night Owls:

• Morning hours (6 AM – 12 PM): Save low-cognitive tasks for when you first wake up (emails, organizing, routine replies)
  • Handle low-cognitive tasks like email, organization, and routine responses when alertness is naturally lower.
• Afternoon boost (12 PM – 6 PM) : Schedule important meetings for your first natural energy wave (often mid-afternoon)
  • Take advantage of your first energy wave for meetings and collaborative work.
• Evening focus Peak hours (6 PM – 12 AM): Protect your peak evening hours for deep work and creative projects by blocking this time on your calendar/
  • Research shows night owls maintain focus longer during evening hours.
• Sleep consistency: While you may go to bed later, research shows keeping a consistent sleep schedule improves overall energy

For Those In Between (“Intermediates”):

• Morning peak (9 AM – 11 AM): Tackle high-focus analytical work during your first optimal window.
• Afternoon dip (11 AM – 4 PM): Schedule routine tasks, meetings, and collaborative work during natural energy lows.
• Evening peak (4 PM – 6 PM): Use this second wave for important projects requiring sustained attention.
• Energy mapping: Use a productivity app or simple journal to track your energy levels hourly for one week
• Strategic caffeine: Studies show timing caffeine intake to your natural dips (not your natural lows) maximizes benefits
• Task-energy matching: Create three task lists labeled “high focus,” “medium focus,” and “low focus” and match to your energy states

TRY THIS TODAY: Your Chronotype Productivity Hack

Here’s a science-backed tip you can implement immediately: Time-block your day according to your chronotype, not according to conventional wisdom.

1. Identify your chronotype: Take a quick assessment through the AutoMEQ questionnaire (developed by researchers at Harvard) or simply notice when you naturally feel most alert without external pressures
2. Map your energy patterns by tracking alertness levels hourly for one week. Note when you feel naturally energized versus when you rely on caffeine or external motivation.
   • Night owls: Schedule your most important deep work between 4-11 PM
   • Morning types: Block 6-11 AM for your most challenging projects
   • Intermediates: Reserve both 9-11 AM and 4-6 PM for focused work
3. Practice “strategic incompetence”: During your biological off-peak hours, purposely avoid scheduling activities requiring your best performance. Research from Chronobiology International shows we perform up to 26% worse on complex tasks during our non-optimal hours.

It’s not about changing who you are—it’s about designing your day around your biological reality.

The Limits of Chronotype Flexibility

While chronotypes are largely genetic, they’re not completely fixed. Gradual shifts are possible through:

• Light therapy: Exposure to bright light at specific times can slowly shift circadian rhythms
• Consistent sleep schedules: Maintaining regular bedtimes reinforces natural patterns
• Strategic caffeine timing: Consuming caffeine during natural dips (not lows) maximizes effectiveness

However, dramatic chronotype changes are neither sustainable nor advisable. The goal isn’t to become a different chronotype—it’s to optimize within your natural pattern.

Remember: Your productivity isn’t determined by when you work, but by working at the right time for your unique biological clock. Science confirms it!

The Bottom Line: Working with Chronotype Diversity

Your natural energy patterns aren’t personal failings—they’re biological realities supported by decades of research. Working with your chronotype rather than against it isn’t just more comfortable—it’s more effective.

In team settings, chronotype awareness improves collective performance:

• Schedule important meetings during overlapping peak hours (typically 10 AM – 12 PM)
• Assign time-sensitive creative work to night owls during evening hours
• Give morning larks first priority on early deadlines
• Use asynchronous communication to accommodate different peak hours

Organizations implementing chronotype-aware scheduling report improved employee satisfaction, reduced burnout, and higher overall productivity.

Stop apologizing for when you do your best work. Start scheduling around it!

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Are you a night owl, morning lark, or somewhere in between? How will you adjust your schedule based on your chronotype? Share your experience in the comments below!

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[Note: This article is based on scientific research available as of October 2024.]

References

Adan, A., & Almirall, H. (1991). Horne & Östberg morningness-eveningness questionnaire: A reduced scale. Personality and Individual Differences, 12(3), 241-253.

Ashkenazy, T., Einat, H., & Kronfeld-Schor, N. (2009). We are in the dark here: Induction of depression- and anxiety-like behaviours in the diurnal fat sand rat, by short daylight or melatonin injections. International Journal of Neuropsychopharmacology, 12(1), 83-93.

Barnes, C. M., Ghumman, S., & Scott, B. A. (2013). Sleep and organizational citizenship behavior: The mediating role of job satisfaction. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 18(1), 16-26.

Bonnefond, A., Clement, N., Fawcett, K., Yengo, L., Vaillant, E., Guillaume, J. L., … & Froguel, P. (2012). Rare MTNR1B variants impairing melatonin receptor 1B function contribute to type 2 diabetes. Nature Genetics, 44(3), 297-301.

Emens, J., Lewy, A., Kinzie, J. M., Arntz, D., & Rough, J. (2009). Circadian misalignment in major depressive disorder. Psychiatry Research, 168(3), 259-261.

When Your Biggest Critic Is You

Ever felt like you’re running on empty, not because your boss is demanding too much, but because you are? Let’s talk about a type of burnout that no one really warns you about:

Self-burn out. The kind that comes from not overworking at a job, but overworking yourself from inside of your own mind. You’re simply demanding too much at once from yourself.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably felt this:

You want to do big things. You’ve got unchecked lists, dreams, and Pinterest boards full of unlocked potential. There are so many hobbies you want to begin, but you just don’t have enough time in your day to start. All of a sudden, three goals for the day become a list of ten, as we tack on “doable” things from yesterday or even past months. 🌀 🤦🏻‍♀️ #whentheambitionspikestoohard

Somewhere in the middle of trying to be everything, you start feeling… like nothing. Instead of feeling inspired, you just feel… tired. Tired and somehow guilty for being tired.

The spark dims. You’re tired all the time or some other life thing gets in the way. You feel guilty for resting, but also too exhausted to keep pushing, especially when the future is still unknown at this point.

That’s not laziness. It’s called emotional overdrive – when you’re running on the fumes of unmet goals and impossible expectations in such a limited amount of time. That’s what happens when your expectations start working against you instead of for you.

So here’s your reminder, dear Stargirl.

Your goals should support you, not suffocate. Here’s how I’m learning to keep my pace without burning out!

6 Ways to Keep Your Dreams Alive Without Losing Yourself

1. Get real about your actual life

The internet is full of people sharing their “perfect” routines and productivity hacks. A lot of us burn out because we’re chasing routines or timelines we saw on social media or imagined during our most productive high. Especially when you’re in a state of focused flow or after that invigorating cup of caffeine.

But let’s be honest – most of us are juggling jobs, relationships, maybe kids, bills, and just trying to remember to drink enough water. You need a version of success that fits your real life and allows you to be human.

Instead of: “I need to wake up at 5AM, meditate for an hour, work out, and answer all my emails before breakfast.” or “I’ll wake up at 5AM and do 10 things before noon.”

Try: “What are two things I can focus on today that would make me feel good about my progress? That I can do well today?”

Your real life deserves a real plan, not a fantasy schedule. You are allowed to be gentle with yourself while being honest, not just because everyone else is doing it or says you should.

Check in with your actual life—not just your dream life. You’re okay where you’re at and you will get there.

2. Get that mental clutter out of your head

Your brain isn’t designed to be a storage unit for every goal, task, and worry.

When you’re trying to remember everything—your dreams, your emails, your grocery list, that one podcast quote—it adds up into mental clutter that takes up space for learning and creativity.

When you try to keep everything in your head, it’s like having 50 tabs open on your computer – eventually, things start crashing. Mental clutter is quiet chaos (that can be expelled!).

Instead of carrying everything in your mind, try:

• A brain-dump journal when your thoughts feel heavy.
• Writing on cute sticky notes for the day’s top three tasks.
  • Currently obsessed with this $5 Target one because of the shape, color, and tennis ball idea! So creative.
• Keep a notebook handy for “brain dumps” when thoughts get overwhelming
  • Sometimes, I love to use the app Talkbook if I need to get things off my chest and practice speaking outloud.
• Set reminders on your phone or write down on calendar instead of mentally rehearsing deadlines.
• Write down your three most important tasks for tomorrow before bed.
• Saying out loud: “That’s enough for today.”

When your thoughts are captured somewhere safe, your mind can finally relax.

3. Change how you talk to yourself

Pay attention to your inner voice for a day. Would you speak to your friend the way you speak to yourself?

Understand that you don’t need to “fix” anything. Be kind to yourself as you would with others – speak aloud with intention and understanding.

Common thought patterns that fuel burnout:

• “I should be further along by now.”
• “Everyone else has figured this out already. “
• “Why is nothing working out for me today?”
• “I’ll rest when I’ve accomplished more.”

Try replacing them with:

• “I’m exactly where I need to be in my journey.”
• “Everyone’s path looks different – comparison steals joy.”
• “Rest isn’t a reward – it’s what makes accomplishment possible.”
• “Slower doesn’t mean less worthy—it means sustainable.”

The voice in your head shapes your reality and becomes your mindset. Make sure it’s being supportive, not destructive.

Reframe the voice that’s rushing you. Train it to be your biggest supporter, not your loudest critic.

4. Make big goals feel doable with tiny steps

When a goal feels massive, your brain’s natural response is to avoid it. The more overwhelming a dream feels, the more likely we are to avoid it.

That’s not procrastination – that’s your self-preservation kicking in to keep your cortisol stress levels from spiking. It’s your mind trying to protect you from feeling overwhelmed.

For any big goal (launching something of your own, submitting applications, getting into shape, switching careers, starting over, trying new hobby), try:

• Breaking it into phases, small enough that they don’t scare you.
• Identifying just ONE next step that takes 15 minutes or less.
• Assign just one mini-action per day. ①
• Celebrating small wins (seriously, do a little dance or text a friend who would celebrate with you).

Progress isn’t about giant leaps. It’s about the babiest of baby steps that add up.

Momentum isn’t built by doing everything. It’s built by doing something, consistently.

5. Stop putting joy on hold

Guess what? Burnout thrives in a joyless, everyday routine.

Many of us accidentally create a life where joy is the reward we’ll get “someday” after all the hard work is done. But that someday keeps moving further away. And away. 😹

The key is to stop waiting to earn your happiness and spark joy in the process—not after the goal is done.

This might look like:

• Lighting a candle before journaling or during the day, not just at night.
  • The coziest cozy vibes here only!
• Listen to your favorite playlist while tackling Mission: Inbox Zero.
• Meet a friend for matcha and brainstorming instead of working alone.
• Take the scenic route home and appreciate the little moments.
• Get that sweet treat for yourself while running errands. You do deserve it (word of law 🤨).
• Watching a feel-good show at night without guilt.

Make happiness a non-negotiable. Unfortunately, you are not a machine. You’re a person, a sparky beautiful one full of unlimitations and abundant opportunity. Let yourself feel alive while working on your dream self.

You’re allowed to enjoy the journey, not just the destination, my warrior princess.

6. Make sure your goals still fit who you are now

Sometimes, we lose that spark because we’re still actively pursuing goals that made sense for who we were three years ago, not who we are today.

You can chase goals that used to excite you—but don’t fit who you are anymore. Scary thought.

And the more we force it, the more drained we feel.

Ask yourself:

• “If I could start fresh today, would I choose this same path?”
• “Is this goal aligned with my values, or just my ego?”
• “Am I doing this because I want to, or because I feel I should?”
• “What would success look like if I designed it for my happiness, not for appearances?”
• “Would I be okay with this dream taking longer—and feel light as air once accomplished?

Success is personal. If it costs your peace, it’s probably not your version of success anymore.

It’s okay for your definition of success to evolve as you do.

Remember This

As people who do their best everyday and continue reach for the stars, I’m here to tell you that your ambition is beautiful. Your high standards are valid. Your inner child is proud of how far you’ve come already.

Because you are not meant to be everything, all at once.

Allow your life to feel doable. Tackle your days in human, bite-sized chunks. Let rest be a tool toward success, not a reward.

Because you’re not here to burn out, trying to become someone else—you’re here to grow into yourself, steadily, consistently, and with so much grace.

Your ambition is a gift, one that this lifetime allows you to pursue.

You’re allowed to have dreams AND boundaries. You can move at a pace that feels sustainable because it’s your life, not for others to dictate.

Truth is, you’re not falling behind. There’s no universal timeline everyone follows. You’re simply living your story at exactly the right pace – your own.

“It’s not like I’d ever change a thing
‘Cause I’m right here where I’m meant to be” – twilight zone by Ariana Grande (2025)

So take a deep breath. Close a few of those mental tabs. And remember that your worth isn’t measured by your productivity, but by how you show up for yourself and others each day.

That’s the kind of success that never burns you out.

P.S. You’re not falling behind.

You’re blooming—just not on anyone else’s schedule. 🌱 This is your reawakening (me as I listen to this song).

And that’s what makes it real. 💫